A Caregiver’s Devotion: When A Friendship Becomes a Lifeline

Alston “AJ” Walker, 77, a retired electrician and Vietnam veteran, is the kind of person who doesn’t shy away from difficult problems. “I’m a tinkerer,” he says with a grin. “If something needs doing and I can do it, I’m going to do it.” 

He met Mr. Ruffin, an 80-year-old Army veteran, at church, where they were both active members. An avid chess player, Mr. Ruffin taught Mr. Walker the game. “I still don’t understand it,” he laughs, “but we had a good time. Mr. Ruffin has a demeanor that draws you to him. He’s a good guy.”   

Almost three years ago, Walker noticed Mr. Ruffin’s health begin to decline. With no family nearby and diminishing ability to manage daily tasks, Mr. Ruffin needed someone to step in. Walker became that person. 

Today, Walker makes the drive from Chesapeake to visit Mr. Ruffin in Portsmouth every day. He makes sure Mr. Ruffin is up, moving, eating, and getting to his appointments. Some days, they bicker about how many Splenda packets Mr. Ruffin adds to his cereal. On other days, the two navigate more serious issues: fluctuating blood pressure, heart trouble, and moments of confusion that are becoming increasingly frequent. 

“I never thought I’d be a caregiver,” Walker says. “It’s a journey. Ups and a whole lot of downs. But it’s rewarding, knowing I’m there to help.” He worries about Mr. Ruffin’s future, especially if he were ever unable to continue providing care. “It scares me,” he admits. “I just want him to be comfortable.” 

Thankfully, Walker isn’t carrying the responsibility alone. Through the Veteran Directed Care program, funded by the Veterans Administration and administered by Senior Services, he secured an aide for Mr. Ruffin four days a week. “That’s a big help,” Walker says.  

Walker also recently connected with other caregivers during Senior Services’ Caregiver Appreciation Day at the Norfolk Botanical Garden. Above all, Walker credits his wife, Linda, as his strength. “She’s my sounding board,” he says. “When I want to give up, she won’t let me. I don’t know what I would do without her.”  

Ultimately, Walker finds purpose in caregiving. “Although I do have my down moments, it is still a joy knowing that I can help somebody. And Mr. Ruffin looks forward to seeing me every day. That’s a blessing.”